


What Makes A Man

by VincentMeoblinn



Series: What Makes A Man [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Genderbending, Rated M for Slurs, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 00:12:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4283292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VincentMeoblinn/pseuds/VincentMeoblinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A shocking discovery by the team leaves Reid shaken and damaged in both body and mind. Hotch helps him heal,</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first thing he did was separate the men from the women, putting them in separate prison cells in his basement. Hotch’s stomach clenched as he watched the girls through the bars. How had they mis-profiled the cop so badly? What should have been a celebratory dinner at an officer’s house had become a nightmare. Officer Everson was staring them down, his eyes considering them for clearly malicious intent. He was a different person now, and Hotch quickly searched for more information in his bearing and the few short words he uttered.

His eyes lingered a bit too long on Reid and Hotch felt his gut clench. Reid’s eyes dropped submissively and the man leered wickedly. Hotch immediately attempted to distract him with questions and posturing but he only laughed and left them. They immediately set about looking for a way out, but when he returned a few hours later all they had was a very basic profile and a few broken nails. The man stepped up with a gun drawn and unlocked the door.

“You. Dr. Reid. Come here.”

“I’m actually really tired and-“ Reid started, but the man cocked the gun and raised an eyebrow suggestively.

“I can rape you dead or alive. It really doesn’t matter to me.”

Reid swallowed hard and moved forward while Hotch tried to talk their way out of it.

“He’s just a kid, don’t you want a real man?” Hotch snarled.

“Nah, I’m more into twinks,” The man laughed, gripping Reid’s hair and pushing him along. He locked them back in and bullied Reid back up the steps with him babbling the entire time, trying to talk his way out of the situation. They could hear the footsteps above them and Hotch strained to hear even as he felt physically ill for Reid’s situation. They could hear him screaming, fighting, sobbing… and then silence.

For several minutes there was nothing and then an outraged roar from above and the sound of things breaking. Footsteps echoed across their ceiling and Hotch’s gut twisted as he realized _Reid was making a run for it._ Then the gun went off and they heard a body stumble and hit the floor.

“Oh gods,” JJ whimpered, putting a hand over her mouth, “Spencer.”

“He might be-” Hotch whispered, but stopped when he heard movement again.

“ _Get up! Get up you freak! Move it! Down the steps! You’re lucky I don’t blow your brains out!”_ Everson screamed, opening the door to the basement.

Reid’s ankles appeared at the stop of the steps and then he came stumbling down, one hand cupped over his groin and the other stretched across his chest as if to hold something against himself. He was pale and shaking, eyes wide with terror. His lip was bleeding, but Hotch couldn’t see a bullet wound or any blood dripping elsewhere.

“Get in there!” Everson raged, opening the girls cage and motioning with his gun.

“That’s the wrong cage, I’m supposed to be-“

The man hit Reid with the butt of his gun and Reid went down hard. JJ and Prentiss moved to rush the man, but the gun swiveled to point at them quickly. They backed off, hands held up, but Hotch’s eyes were glued to Reid. When he’d fallen his hands had come away from him and Hotch had quickly scanned his chest for an injury only to see… breasts?

 _Some sort of medical condition that repulsed Everson?_ Hotch wondered.

Then Everson gripped Reid by his other hand and Hotch’s stomach dropped. Reid didn’t have a penis, just a bush with a bald spot in the middle of it from something rubbing. _A packer. He packs. Reid’s transgender. How the hell did I miss this?_

Reid was thrown into the women’s cage where he skidded painfully on the floor and then curled up in a ball. Everson slammed the cage door, snarling in disgust and spitting on Reid’s feet.

“You’ll be the first to die, you perverted piece of _shit_!”

JJ hurried to Reid’s side, but he scuddled away from her and pressed himself against he wall, curling in on himself to hide his body from them.

“Spencer…” JJ called, but he only tightened up when she tried to approach him.

“Spence, how badly are you hurt?” Hotch asked.

Reid didn’t respond. He stayed curled up in that ball for three more hours regardless of repeated coaxing from his coworkers. They brainstormed without him, every once and again glancing over to try and get him to take part. He didn’t even peak out. He was completely withdrawn from them.

In the end they were rescued, which was just as satisfactory to Hotch since it meant they all got out alive. Garcia had located them and sent in a team to raid the house, but it had taken her three days. Reid was still unresponsive when they approached him so Hotch headed into the other cell and knelt beside him. Hotch’s jacket had been draped over him for a while, but Reid hadn’t responded to it. Hotch was horrified that he’d been curled up the entire time. His lips were slightly purple, showing that he wasn’t getting enough oxygen and his feet were white from low bloodflow into his cramped limbs.

“Morgan, go upstairs and look for his gear,” Hotch told him.

“On it,” Morgan replied, and then hesitated, “What would I be looking for?”

“A soft rubber penis and a harness to attach it with,” Hotch replied, “and probably a binder or sports bra.”

“Binder would be?” Morgan asked, looking extremely uncomfortable.

“Just look for something that doesn’t fit,” Hotch replied, not really sure what they looked like. He’d only learned about them in passing from a victim some years before.

Morgan went upstairs while Hotch sat opposite Reid for a moment, “None of us care.”

Reid didn’t respond so he tried again.

“We aren’t going to judge you for this, and if anyone _does_ than you come to me immediately. You have rights.”

Reid uncurled just the tiniest bit so Hotch tugged on the jacket that had been draped over him for days, “Come on, put this on.”

Reid glanced at him, eyes wide and red-rimmed.

“Here,” Hotch shifted to block Reid from the view of others while presenting his back to him, “Better?”

“Thanks,” Reid whispered. The sound of fabric and then Reid was shifting about again. He tapped Hotch’s shoulder and the man turned to find Reid had put on the jacket backwards.

Hotch stood and held out a hand but Reid ignored it, staring down at the ground as he shakily got to his feet. He collapsed almost immediately but Hotch caught him under one arm and helped him down to the ground gently.

“Where are you hurt?” Hotch asked.

“My legs are asleep,” Reid replied, his tone disgusted.

“You’ve got a huge bruise on your side,” Hotch told him, “I think your ribs are broken. Good thing you weren’t moving around much. JJ, tell them we need an medic down here.”

“On it,” JJ replied, hurrying upstairs. She returned with Morgan, who had a grim look on his face.

“Looks like something rubber went through the garbage disposal,” Morgan told them, “Sorry Reid.”

Reid shrugged slightly. The ambulance crew came down the steps and gently got Reid up the steps and into the vehicle. Hotch drove with him, considering his own behavior over the years and making sure it didn’t alter. It was painfully important that Reid not feel as if he were being treated differently.

Reid was taken into the ER when they arrived and put through a few tests before being settled down into a room. He had been barely responsive the entire time and when Hotch had informed him of the traumatic event they’d been through he had been immediately admitted. An hour later Hotch was pulled out to talk to some officers and give his official statement. An hour later he walked in to find Reid gone from his bed. The bathroom door was closed.

_Well, he’s been holding it for days. No shock there._

Then Reid emerged with his clothes on and a frantic look on his face.

“Reid?” Hotch asked.

“When’s the flight home?” Reid asked, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his toned forearms.

“We haven’t scheduled it yet,” Hotch replied, “Are you being released, because the doctors didn’t say-“

“No, I’m checking myself out,” Reid stated firmly.

“Spencer, your ribs are broken. They’ve barely been bandaged. You’ve been starved and dehydrated for… what happened to your IV?“

“They won’t give me my medicine, Hotch. I can’t stay here.”

“Your medicine?” Hotch asked, recalling that Reid was being given an intravenous antibiotic for a UTI and other potential problems, “I thought-“

“The doctor says it’s unnecessary. Can you believe that? I’m already going through withdrawal.”

“Withdrawal from…?” Hotch asked in confusion. Reid hadn’t spoken to the doctors in front of him, so Hotch hadn’t heard any list of medications that he might be denied.

“They’ll give me coffee in the morning,” Reid told Hotch, “I already saw the list. I can have _coffee_ , which for all it’s legality is in fact a mood altering addictive substance, but I can’t have testosterone because _it’s unnecessary!”_

Reid turned to him, taking fast shallow breaths as he tried to maintain his rage through his damaged torso.

“I’ll talk to the doctors-“

“I don’t need a White Knight, Hotch!” Reid snapped, barely managing to raise his voice to a shout, “I need my medicine!”

“I am doing for you what I would do for _any_ member of our team,” Hotch stated softly, “You can either accept that or I can get psych down here to restrain you and _force_ medical care on you. You are injured. You are sick. You are not thinking clearly. Sit down. Now.”

Reid sank into a chair, then winced and shifted miserably. Hotch fetched a pillow from the bed and helped Reid get comfortable with it behind him. Then he knelt down in front of him.

“I’ll get you your medicine, I promise you that, but in return I need you to talk to me,” Hotch told him, “You’ve barely responded since this started. What happened? Did he rape you?”

“No. Not in the technical sense.”

“There’s an untechnical form of rape?” Hotch asked with a frown.

“He didn’t _physically_ rape me,” Reid replied, eyes down on his hands.

“He ripped off your clothes,” Hotch stated softly, “We know that. What else? What happened that you’re hiding from us, Spencer? The doctors can’t help you if you fight it.”

Reid’s eyes fell shut and tears started up in the corner of his eyes, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“He took my… Hotch, he…” Reid’s voice choked, “I know it sounds comical to you but-“

“No,” Hotch stated firmly, “It doesn’t.”

“I have never, ever,” Reid replied, eyes finally opening and fixing themselves on Hotch as he began to shake to express his painful sobs, “Not in my entire life have I _ever_ felt like a woman. When I was three years old I told my mother she was _wrong._ Evidence be damned, I was a boy and I refused to play with _stupid_ dolls or wear frilly dresses. I wanted a suit. I’ve been wearing suits since I was _four_ , Hotch.”

“I think I’d believe you if you told me you were born in them,” Hotch smiled fondly, “You’re a man to me, Spencer. I don’t doubt that. Nothing he did changes who you are.”

“He took my _dick_ , Hotch,” Reid whimpered, “He took my _masculinity_ away.”

“A piece of rubber strapped to your hips doesn’t make you a man, Spencer,” Hotch told him, reaching out to take the young man’s hands, “Look, I won’t pretend to understand this, because I don’t. I do know _you,_ and what makes you a man is the part of you- however indefinable- that convinced teachers, friends, psychologists, and _profilers_ that you are a man. He can’t take that away from you because it isn’t tangible. The things _help_ , and I’m sure they make your life more bearable, but they aren’t what defines you.”

“I need my medicine,” Reid whispered.

“I’ll get it for you,” Hotch told him, “I’ll find a different doctor to treat you. One who isn’t transphobic.”

“It’s the state laws here that are a problem. I have very few rights outside of DC, that’s why I live there despite how expensive it is.”

“Then I’ll move you to another hospital,” Hotch stood up, adjusting his collar and preparing himself to go to battle for his teammate and friend.

“Aaron?” Reid asked softly, causing Hotch to hesitate.

“Yes?”

“I… I’ve never considered surgery,” Reid said softly, “I never thought it was necessary.”

“Then it isn’t,” Hotch stated firmly, “If the medicine is enough than that’s fine. What I said about your masculinity holds true.”

“What if… what if I do need…?” Reid hesitated, his face twisting anxiously, “He’s made me so uncertain…”

“Give it time,” Hotch replied softly, “If you still feel that way in a few weeks than we’ll discuss your medical insurance and ways to get you what you need. Until then focus on dealing with this one day at a time.”

XXX

Hotch headed for the nurses station and demanded to speak with Reid’s doctor. When the man showed up he confronted him angrily right there in the corridor.

“I understand you’re denying my agent medical treatment,” He snapped.

“Who would that be?” The doctor asked with a frown, holding out a hand to the nurse for a chart.

“Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“The name doesn’t ring a bell,” The doctor frowned, taking the chart when the nurse handed it to him. He paged through it for a moment, “Oh. The shemale.”

“The _transgender person_ ,” Hotch stated firmly, “Shemale is offensive.”

“Fine,” The man sighed, “What exactly have I denied her? She’s-“

“He’s,” Hotch corrected firmly.

The man struggled for a moment to _not_ tell Hotch off, and then looked him in the eyes, “What have I denied _him_?”

“His hormone replacement therapy.”

“This hospital does not deal in unnecessary-“

“It is necessary,” Hotch stated firmly, “Or have you not seen the numbers on transgender suicide rates? He’s just come out of a traumatic situation and you’re denying him medication that could help him heal at a faster rate.”

“This hospital does not deal in unnecessary medications for patients. He can see a practitioner after she is discharged.”

Hotch pulled out his cell, keeping eye contact with the doctor as he dialed JJ.

“JJ I need every reporter at the hospital and I need them rabid.”

JJ was silent a moment and then replied carefully, “Is this about Reid?”

“Yes,” Hotch stated firmly.

“They’re mistreating him?”

“Yes,” Hotch stated.

“I’m not so sure making him a media spectacle is the solution,” JJ replied carefully, “We can get him shipped two states over where they’ll allow his proper treatment. Then I can send them in anonymously afterwards.”

“Good,” Hotch stated firmly, “Make the arrangements.”

Hotch hung up the phone while the doctor folded his arms, “You don’t scare me. I’ve done nothing wrong.”

“We’ll see.”

Hotch turned and headed for Reid’s room. He was looking pale and drawn still and Hotch worried about what a two-state drive would do to him.

“You have your medicine in your bag at the hotel?” Hotch asked.

“Yes,” Reid replied, “But they won’t let me bring it in here.”

“They won’t have a choice. We’re discharging you and you’re going to take it the second you get your bag. Then we’re going to _very_ carefully drive you two states over to get you proper care.”

“With broken ribs, dehydration, and a painful bladder infection?” Reid replied, “Maybe we should just have me hole up in the hotel and treat myself. That’s what I did as a child.”

Hotch froze, giving Reid a horrified look, “What the _hell_ is wrong with this country?”

“You tell me,” Reid shrugged, “I’m invisible. I bet he didn’t even remember me.”

“No,” Hotch admitted, “He didn’t.”

“Yet in a state like this a transgender person coming in would be gossip-worthy. So he ‘forgot’ me because I wasn’t a name or a face to him, I was a situation. If you’d walked out there and said ‘let’s talk about the faggot’ he’d have known just whom you meant regardless of my actual sexuality. This is my reality, Hotch.”

“Well it’s fucked up!” Hotch snapped, and then shook his head and calmed himself down, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Reid replied, “Actually I like you being angry for me, it’s less painful on my ribs.”

“Let’s get you out of here,” Hotch told him with a frustrated sigh, “We’ll get you some antibiotics at the pharmacy downstairs and take you back to the hotel.”

It took another three hours to check Reid out since they had to argue with three different doctors about writing him a script for antibiotics. In the end one of them finally offered to simply give Reid a high-dose shot so that they could prove they’d given him proper care. The doctor performed it himself, all the while informing Reid that he’d need to pick up a kit for a yeast infection since this route virtually guaranteed one. Reid fought back tears and kept his head down in shame. Hotch put his hand on his elbow and walked him out the door. He left Reid in the car as he went into the nearest pharmacy and bought three different antifungal creams out of sheer confusion for what would work for him. Reid smiled at his efforts but was painfully silent once again.

They got to the hotel where JJ was pacing anxiously. Hotch told her Reid’s decision and she suggested one of them stay with him while the rest returned to Quantico to resume their duties. Hotch agreed and volunteered to remain, leaving Morgan in charge. Reid stretched out on the bed, wincing in pain, and Hotch fetched him his bag. Reid dug through it and produced his medication, eagerly placing a patch on the inside of his thigh. Hotch noted he’d rolled up something and stuffed it in his underwear to approximate a bulge.

“How long before it starts to work?” Hotch asked.

“I was only off for a few days,” Reid replied, “Testosterone has a seventy minute life cycle in the bloodstream so… It should just take me a few hours to feel right again.”

“What else can I do to help? I can go to the store and buy you another packer, or is that too personal?”

“Too impossible,” Reid frowned, “Stores don’t carry them. You have to buy them online.”

“Okay,” Hotch nodded, “We’ll be here for a while. I’ll get you my laptop and you can order it.”

“Hotch? Aaron?” Reid called, bringing him up short, “Thank you.”

Hotch nodded and hurried to get the laptop for Reid. For a moment he stood in his own hotel room and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He tried to imagine what it would be like if he’d been born with a woman’s body and the soul of a man. Would he be able to tolerate it? Would Haley have loved him? He’d have been denied the joy that was Jack. He’d have had to fight for every second of acceptance even more than he already had, especially with his Alpha personality. What had it been like for a child prodigy, already bullied and disrespected, to accept himself for who he was despite the world beating feminine behavior and terms over his head? Hotch didn’t think he could have done what Reid had.

“How did you survive, Spencer?” Hotch asked his reflection.


	2. Chapter 2

They stepped off the plane and into the terminal, heading for Morgan and his big grin. Hotch kept a protective hand on Reid’s elbow as they moved through the crowded area but released it when he was free of the jostling crowd.

“You doing okay, Reid?” Morgan asked with a smile.

“Yeah,” Reid nodded.

Morgan gave him a careful hug, smiling as he backed up again, “We missed you.”

“Thanks,” Reid smiled shyly.

“C’mon,” Morgan nodded towards the door, “I’ll take you home.”

They climbed into the car with Reid taking the front so his ribs wouldn’t be strained by the cramped space. He was in far less pain, especially with his infections cleared up, but he still had to be careful for a few months. For the first few minutes Morgan caught them up to speed, discussing what had gone down in the office outside of the usual reports. Then the car fell silent.

“So,” Morgan stated calmly, “Transman? Is that the right term?”

“Yeah,” Reid replied, “Though I usually just say man.”

“Sorry,” Morgan smiled lightly, “Just trying to educate myself a bit about my friend. You could have told me, you know?”

Reid sighed, “Morgan, if I don’t treat this like normal, who will? It shouldn’t _need_ disclosure unless you’re going to bed with me or are my doctor.”

“That’s another thing. How’d you get this past the bureau?” Morgan asked, his tone impressed.

“My mother’s a paranoid schizophrenic. I have very few doctor records. When the bureau gave me my physical they just calmly altered what they were going to do once they saw me naked and _didn’t say anything_.”

“That was pretty cool of them,” Morgan stated with a smile and a nod.

“Yeah, it was,” Reid replied sardonically, “I’m sure it’s in my charts but nobody looks at the gender listed once they’ve seen my name and face.”

“Makes sense,” Hotch muttered, “I know I didn’t look.”

“So how’s it work?” Morgan asked, switching the music off so he could hear better, “Do you date men or women? Or both? How do you tell them and-”

“Morgan,” Hotch stated, “I don’t think this is a good-“

“I’m just trying to educate myself, Hotch,” Morgan replied defensively, “How are we supposed to understand them if we don’t ask questions?”

“You could start,” Reid replied stiffly, “By not referring to anyone as ‘us’ and ‘them’.”

Morgan was shocked into silence.  

“Morgan, I’m tired and stressed out,” Reid sighed, “I don’t want to talk about this right now. Besides, I don’t see how educating yourself falls under wanting to know how I pick dates and what _private_ discussions I have with them.”

“I’m sorry, man,” Morgan replied softly.

Reid was silent and stayed that way even after they dropped him off at his apartment. Morgan sighed as Hotch moved to the front seat.

“How have you _dealt_ with him this whole time?” Morgan asked.

“I didn’t do what you just did,” Hotch replied.

“Yeah, but you have to be curious,” Morgan replied.

“About my co-workers genitals?” Hotch replied, “Would you like to discuss yours? Any discoloration? How does your skin pigment vary around your testicles?”

“Shit, Hotch,” Morgan sighed, “I didn’t ask him-“

“You were going to,” Hotch cut him off.

Morgan was silent for a moment, “I just want to know how to talk to him, deal with him. Is ‘him’ even right?”

“It has been so far,” Hotch pointed out, “And you had no reason to ‘deal’ with him differently before. Nothing has changed, Morgan. You saw your co-worker naked. It’s awkward. Other than that the details of _what_ you saw are unimportant. Reid is and was a man. End of story.”

“I guess you’re right,” Morgan grumbled.

They fell silent again but when they stopped at Hotch’s house Morgan stilled him with an arm on his wrist.

“What if he changes his mind and becomes a she again?”

“That seems unlikely after thirty years as a man, but if it were to happen you would switch your pronouns and _respect_ Reid,” Hotch stated firmly, “Do I need to have HR talk to you?”

“Fuck nah,” Morgan pulled his hand away, giving him an angry look, “I’m just trying to _understand_.”

“There’s nothing to understand, Morgan. Nothing has changed except your perception of Reid. Work on that.”

Hotch shut the car door and headed for his home, his stride angry.

XXX

Reid frowned into the mirror. He couldn’t wear his binder with his ribs damaged and he still had nothing but a sock jammed in his briefs. He’d layered on several shirts to hide his tiny breasts but he felt off, even with the hormones. He was anxious but hopeful now that he was home. At the very least he had a back-up packer.

“Moobs,” Reid snorted, staring at the little lumps under his shirt. He refused to call them breasts. Men didn’t have breasts. They had man boobs or moobs.

Reid carefully stripped out of his clothes and went to his room to find a few pairs of socks. His only harness had been destroyed so he’d have to make a trip to get a new one, but for now he could improvise. He cut a hole in a sock and used a pair of shoe laces to make a make-shift harness. Then he got out his spare packer and washed it free of its factory dust. He’d never worn this one. It was for when the soft flesh of the old one tore. With his level of body dysphoria he always had a spare but he’d never anticipating having his sturdy harness destroyed that way. Besides, he could always pin the slit shut on his underwear and keep it in place that way. It would make pissing difficult because he’d have to sit for a while, but he could manage. Once he had a proper harness he would be able to modify the soft packer he had with a funnel and hose so he could pee standing up again.

Reid carefully slipped into a tight sports bra, shifting to see if it was possible for him to wear it for at least a while. If he stayed on his feet it would be fine, but if he sat down it would be an issue.

“Okay. So I’m going to do a lot of standing. I can do that. Just… not on the jet. Or during an interrogation. Or in a car.”

Reid sighed. He’d have to stick to the multiple shirts. Then he recalled he had some vests somewhere that weren’t sweaters and that he could manage them instead. Reid stropped off the bra and put on a single dress shirt and a vest, smiling at the look. In the mean time his packer had air-dried so he pulled on some briefs and stuffed it inside, pinning the flaps with a safety pin. Reid smiled at himself.

“Hello sexy,” Reid blushed a bit, smiling at the familiar bulge.

Reid carefully pulled on a pair of matching grey trousers and buckled his gun onto his hip. After carefully working his shoes on without untying them he was able to look into the mirror with confidence and comfort. He felt _good_. He also needed a shave, and that felt even better. The routine of shaving his face lent calm to his worldview.

“I can do this,” Reid breathed as he lathered up his face, “I’m going to be okay. Crisis averted. I’m Doctor Spencer Reid again. I always was. I always will be.”

Reid ran the razor over his flesh and smiled at the smooth skin revealed beneath it. He felt alive, handsome, and confident. Not perfect, no. No one was and there would always be something he didn’t like about himself- usually his ass was his main complaint- but he could be content enough to not want to curl up in a ball and die. With a little effort he could even look into a mirror and smile, and that made getting out of bed each day worthwhile.

XXX

Far away in Nevada Diana Reid had a book full of pictures. She would page through them every day, adding to them as Reid’s daily letters came with the occasional picture. She started at the beginning, with a little baby wrapped in a blue and pink receiving blanket. Then there were six pages of pictures of a tiny baby in pink dresses, yellow dresses, and even a little blue monster costume for Halloween. Then they changed subtly. The toddler smiled less. There were more pictures with pants than dresses and one with large bald patches where someone had tried to cut their own hair. Finally, there was a picture with a smiling little boy wearing a suit with red suspenders and a matching bowtie. He was grinning from ear to ear, longish hair tucked behind his ears.

From that point on there were mostly happy pictures, with a small gap in smiles after Spencer’s father left them. Diana paged through the book proudly as she saw each graduation, each snapshot of an award or diploma. Spencer had sent her a few group photos of his co-workers as well. Then the most recent picture, and here Diana frowned deeply. It was a picture close up on his face. Reid wasn’t wearing a binder and he was crossing his legs tightly. His face was twisted into an uncomfortable expression. The letter that had accompanied the picture told her that he’d been ‘outed’ by an unsub. His coworkers knew, he was unable to fully present as male, and he was deeply depressed. The bandages over his rib covered one breast but not the other. Diana couldn’t believe the sight of Spencer’s chest through the clothes. She’d never seen him that way before and she didn’t want to now, but this was an important moment in his life. Diana slipped the photo inside a pocket and then carefully placed the letter it came with behind it. She moved through the letters carefully and located the one she’d received that afternoon. Diana skimmed down to the part that had resolved her to include the picture in her album.

_It’s been a week since I came back to the BAU from medical leave. At first everyone was very awkward and a few pulled me aside to ask if they should call me ‘he’ or ‘she’. The girls were actually the worst part. They wanted me to be ‘one of the girls’ and I was absolutely furious. I went home crying a lot, as I mentioned before. However, my friend Derek has been a huge support despite the shaky start. He and Hotch haven’t treated me differently at all and slowly everyone has fallen in line. Now it’s as if nothing ever happened. I’m actually happy this happened because now I know they accept me for me all the way through. I’ll always be a man to them._

_I want to thank you, mom. You’re the first person who ever accepted me. You fought dad for me. You fought the school for me. You fought ME for me. You kept me sane when I wanted to curl up and die. I’m so lucky to have you as a mom and I’m honored to be your son._

_Love,_


End file.
